Forgive me, dear blog, for I have sinned. It’s been a long while since I’ve confessed. One hundred and twelve days but who’s counting. They say, no matter how far the chick strays from mother hen, it will always find its way back to the nest. So here I am, after days of playing grown up, back, shamelessly, to the soothing comfort your listening ears bring.
There is a lot on my mind, there has been a steady timeline of events you see, like that time with the married couple, but I’ll save the tea for later and talk about more pressing matters, the kinds that keep me up at night, glancing at my phone every 5 minutes, praying for the text I guess will never come.
This is pathetic, but I’m not, of course, I’m not. It has to be the city, damned Fayetteville with its pristine houses and silent trees would choke you so hard in the dead of the night until its silence is drowned by your screaming thoughts. I’d know, my best confessions were told here. It definitely was the city…or could it be my guilt eating me up? The repercussions of my mistake.
I had him dear blog, I did.. I think I did. He used to text first and we’d have amazing conversations about tv shows and Donald Trump but some how I failed to ingest all of that. My mind was fuzzy, still fixated on the one who was there before, the one who was clearly not there. And when I finally got my head out of the gutter, it was too late… or not… because he thought I wasn’t interested, but then I showed 99% how interested I was, but I’m not for sure where his head is- in or out. Was that the problem? Did I show too much? 99% was too much, wasn’t it? Or not enough? Or maybe it was never even me in the first place, maybe it was him but then I thought it was me. I don’t know, you see the way my mind is working… not really coherent.
The point is we finally met and he’s a good guy, so good I blame myself for not jumping on it the first time. So good and so single, yet so hard to get now. I mean, there are hints that say it’s a go, and others that say hell no but having to analyze has never really been a good thing, has it? Plain and simple usually is.
She blames me for this. She says I wouldn’t have to bother my head so much if I’d just talk to the other guys that talk to me, flirt a little. Sadly, I don’t know how to, I have to wash one completely out of my head before I can let the other in. The irony, that’s how I got into this mess in the first place. Forgive me dear blog for I have sinned; what is my penance?
It’s easy to see where you messed up. I can’t particularly fault you for your “one guy at a time” system, but, I can’t really praise you either. True, more than one can be a lot to handle, but nothing stops you from being friends with the rest. And what’s to say things would have been any different had your head been there from the start.
This is your penance: Stop whatever you’re doing, breathe. Step aside from the situation. It’s okay to try, but not to try alone. Find other things that make you happy, focus on them. Inhale, exhale. Go out, try new things, meet new people, smile more, live a little, flirt a little, don’t be in a rush, volunteer, donate to charity. Do everything apart from pining in a corner about this. If it will be, it will be and you wouldn’t have to try so hard.