I attended an event yesterday where i had to perform a piece that I had just written. I haven’t done spoken word since 2012 so I was jittered like crazy. It turned out okay, however, so i decided to put it up on the blog. The transcript is below for those of my readers from other countries who might have difficulty with my accent.

Please comment after watching to let me know what you think about the piece , if I should consider filming better quality spoken word pieces for the blog  etc. (Ten Yesses means I will).  Yes, this one is inspired by a personal experience.

 

Paranoia

Jealousy, its a mindless emotional parasite

Its slithers and snakes around traces of unhappiness

It sniffs and scents for hints of dissatisfaction

And in your moment of weakness, it pounces

Digging up pieces of unrequited affection

Shoving in you face memories of irreconcilable ex-lovers

Burying you deep in the grave of envy

Until you are, green

 

Insecurity, its a virus

A venomous parasitic virus

Like a leech it suckles, squeezes, drains every amount of reasoning in you

And whatever sanity you have left, it takes

It’s selfish this one

And it doesn’t stop until you are dry, empty

Vulnerable enough to be overtaken by

 

Paranoia, you never see him coming

Never hear his devious steps as he walks in and clouds your mind

Asking questions that shouldn’t matter

Painting pictures that never materialize

Building assumptions out of molehills

Paranoia has no mercy

He isolates your mind from your body

You from your family

He fills every inch of you completely with profane ideas

He tears you apart and then, he kills you slowly

He killed me slowly

 

I used to have something

What could probably have been the best ever

But by giving in to mindless torture, I lost it

It was a journey, we were taking gradual steps

There was attraction, affection, a clear stipulation that I was wanted

Then there was me, my cynicism , my refusal to believe I could so much be wanted

I had prerequisites that were promptly accepted but it was not enough to allay my worries

I demanded changes, some were subtly made still I chose to believe the worst, my folly

Here i was, offering nothing, yet complacent in the belief that he was definitely seeking something

 

Twice I was asked, twice I kept silent

Once out of unsurity, the other for pure brevity

But only because of my failed past

Where rushed yeses turned catastrophic

Where misplaced trust became diabolic

Yes, I was cynical but my one aim was to ensure that something new escaped the mistakes of many things old

But I never said so

Even when unsurity became twice as sure

When the thump of my heart told me the answer

When my dreams filled with your smiling face

When you became twice as precious

When my one and only desire, it became clear to me was to love and be loved, to care , share, support, build, with you, together

I never said so

I waited instead on question  number three, isn’t three just quite the charm

And when I failed to hear your voice

I set my mind ablaze

I unheeded precious moments and let jealousy lead the way

I let insecurity feast on me and paranoia wipe his butt with my fears

An when it was evident I had nothing left to offer, I died

 

We wanted the same thing, just at totally different times

If there’s one thing I regret, its not saying yes when I had the chance.